Relationship Lessons I’ve Learnt in 2018

Relationship Lessons I’ve Learnt in 2018

I can’t believe we’re in December! It feels like 2 seconds ago I was just starting graduate school and now I’ve been here a year. Moving to a new place was challenging, but it pushed me out of my comfort zone and allowed my to interact with different types of people. With this, I had my ups and downs. I had to learn how to properly navigate interpersonal relationships with different types of people. I’m still working on this, but I’ve learnt some lessons along the way…

ITS IMPORTANT TO BE MORE ASSERTIVE

I’m not sure if it’s because I’m easy-going, or because I’m just hyper-sensitive to people’s feelings. But there were several situations I encountered this year where I could have just put my foot down and spoken up. I think because of this, I’m probably at risk of becoming oppressed. This a serious fear I have always had so it’s disheartening that I keep finding myself in these situations.

I noticed a reoccurring theme with me this year: Something would happen that I don’t like, a situation that I was not comfortable with and instead of just speaking my peace, I would manage the situation poorly until after a long time I would finally realize I’m being taken for granted then speak up.

Remember how I said I need to take into account people’s feelings and how it affects them? Well that backfired. A lot of people tend to take advantage of that. They begin to manipulate and use this thoughtfulness or are too selfish to meet me at the middle. Because I am thinking about them and they are thinking about themselves, there is a massive imbalance. On one hand, I don’t want to be an absolute savage, but the serious peace of mind I had when I was savage was just amazing.

In light of this, my goal for next year is to figure out how to balance my savagery and putting people’s feelings into consideration. I need to properly vet people and see if they deserve this consideration, because not every person is deserving of me. Else, I run the risk of being taken advantage of.

DON’T BE AFRAID OF CONFLICT

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I think it’s important to fight sometimes. It’s weird but observing people’s relationships and mine, I think the only way some solutions can be met is if there is an argument. Arguments are completely natural. However, what I think is important is how both sides handle that argument.

I usually don’t like conflict, I’m more of a “agree to disagree” type of person. However with conflicts I just know how quickly things can devolve into a screaming match and I hate that. But if two parties come into an argument with a place of humility to listen to the other person and accept their faults, this is a great way to handle conflict. It’s not always easy though.

I’ve seen conflicts work this year….even screaming match, throwing chairs conflicts. I still hate it though. Maybe one day I’ll learn how to handle conflicts properly.

I’VE REALIZED THE VALUE OF A SUPPORT SYSTEM

Honestly I don’t know how I would have survived 2018 without the support of my family. This was the toughest school year I have ever experienced and I was at one point I was the verge of tears. Having my family (especially my mom and dad) constantly reassure me that I can do it was really the push of confidence I needed to see through my school.

Being around people who are always looking out for you is very hard to come by. Handling tough situations is so much easier when you have people by your side cheering you on. I think this semester really allowed me to realize that and I will never take that for granted.

Those are the relationship lessons I’ve learned in 2018. Thank you so much for reading! What have you learnt?

What Does Love Mean To Me?

What Does Love Mean To Me?

Love is such a strong and peculiar emotion that is very interesting to me. I have never been “In love” but I have loved and experienced the love of other people.

In the spirit of Valentines day. I thought I should revive one of my short, rambling posts and publish it since it’s so fitting for the season! What does love mean to you?

Here is my understanding of love. Love to me is like a sacred, safe place. It’s knowing that I will be always be a part of you, no matter what. I will always have that person to turn to. They are not afraid to tell me the truth, chastise me, and they always do things with my best interests at heart. They always want the best for me and consider you at every step of the way.

Love can mean being vulnerable…

Love can mean being vulnerable. There is that element of trusting someone with your innermost feelings and insecurities in the hopes that they will comfort you, accept you or understand you. It’s scary and liberating at the same time. I used to be afraid of being vulnerable with someone, but I strongly believe you can never experience great love without being vulnerable.

I cannot put conditions on the people I love…

Love isn’t selfish or self-serving. I cannot put conditions on the people I love. Meaning that if they don’t do XYZ I will decide to take my love away and stop loving them. I may be disappointed, sad or hurt but I will still love the person.

Love is being able to trust that person with your life. I can’t imagine anyone I love having bad plans or hoping something bad happens to me. I always hope for the best for the people I love and I genuinely want them to progress in life. No jealousy!

Love to me means forgiveness. This is huge, but I think a great hallmark of love is the ability to forgive. First things first, people are irritating as hell, lol.  Someone is always going to do something that will annoy you. And you can place your trust in people,  but they’ll eventually disappoint you. I can’t hold their mistakes against them and this means forgiving and forgetting. Love is not perfect!

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Romantic love is peculiar to me seeing as how I’ve never experienced it. I’ve never been at that height of emotion with any one, but I personally think it is a beautiful thing for two people to care so deeply for one another. Even more so when they decide to tie the knot!
I don’t consider myself to be a very romantic person. I’m pretty simplistic in my views when in comes to love. I don’t believe in the concept of a “soul mate” or “prince charming”.  I am definitely open to idea of falling in love but the thought of falling deeply in love with someone is completely unfathomable at this point.

I just wonder how the transition from “boy I think is cute” to “I want to spend the rest of my life with you” happens? I just don’t understand it yet. I hate people too much for that. Lmao

How did you celebrate valentines day? I went to class, stayed at home and watched One Punch Man! Very uneventful for the occasion, but also relaxing!

Anndd how did you know you were in love?

What does love mean to you?

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Travel tag 

Travel tag 

A few days ago I hit 400 followers on The Pearly Life! My current tally is 431 followers and I am humbled that 400 of you follow and enjoy reading my posts. I love the continuous support and I hope to grow more with you all. Thank you so much!

So I was nominated by Oriana Notes to do the Travel Tag . Thank you so much for the nomination Oriana! I am fortunate to have travelled to countries like South Africa, The Netherlands, U.K., U.A.E and U.S.A. It’s an amazing experience to travel and study in different countries and I will answer some questions about traveling in this post. Enjoy!

What is your favourite place that you have visited?

This is such a difficult question because I love different things about all the different places I’ve gone to. However if I had to choose I would say Orlando, Florida, U.S.A. I have visited Florida almost every year since 2002! I have been going to Florida for 15 years and I still look forward to going there every year. I have tried other cities like Atlanta and New York but we realized that Florida is the perfect place for us. Florida is my home away from home. In fact, we loved it so much that we bought a house there! It’s so peaceful, nice restaurants and there are so many theme parks like Disney World (That has 6 separate theme parks), Wet N Wild and Universal Studios! It’s the perfect place for family.

Dubai was also one of my favourite places to visit. It is the most regal city I have ever visited and I had a unique experience. I loved living the Arabian lifestyle for a few days and I would really love to go again. Check out some of the posts I did on my trip to Dubai.

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If you could visit anywhere tomorrow where would you go?

Also a difficult question but I would pick Italy if I had a choice. I’m absolutely obsessed with the thought of going to Venice and Rome. Italy is teeming with history and romance. I think it would be amazing to experience it myself. A bit of context here; my parents were still dating when they went to Italy, which I think is sooooooo cute! I often joke to my parents that if my boyfriend takes me to Italy that that’s how I’ll know issa husband! LOL

IMG_3572.JPG[Mum and Dad in Italy – Early 90’s]

Would you rather go on a city holiday or a beach holiday?

Definitely a city holiday! I’m not a very outdoorsy person and I have lived in cities my whole life so it is something that feels like a second home to me.

My top three holiday essentials are…

I did an extensive post on this here! My top three essentials are my Canon camera, iPhone and obviously my passport!

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Are you an over packer or an under packer? 

I’m definitely an over packer! I just can’t stand the thought of forgetting something important so I overcompensate when I pack. This usually results in me discarding things that I packed in my destination country because I don’t have space for the new things I bought!

What is your favourite thing about going on holidays?

I love the change of scenery, the people and the culture. One of the first things that usually excites me when I get to a new destination is driving in the car, looking out the window and just realising that I’m in a new country.

Would you rather go on holidays with family or friends?

I’m going to be one of those odd people that prefers going with my family than friends. I haven’t reached a point with any friend where they will understand what I enjoy during a holiday. What my friends would probably do in a holiday will not interest me. I also enjoy my family’s company so I wouldn’t mind going on a holiday with them.

What is the most adventurous dish you have ever tried from another country?

The most adventurous dish I tried didn’t have to come from another country. I experienced it in the comfort of my house! I’m going to say edible worms from my home country Nigeria.  It looks like maggots and smells really strange but it’s actually pretty good!

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[Photo Credit: Sisi Yemmie ]

However, what I consider adventurous in Nigeria is child play for many people here. Nigerians eat snails, worms, insects, crocodiles, tortoise, horses, monkeys, snakes and some eat dogs! Any time my parents say they have eaten some strange animal I’m always in awe. My mother said the best wild meat she has tried is a tortoise! It’s less common in the city area to find these dishes, but it’s more common in smaller towns. However, snails are readily available in a lot of restaurants.

I also find it funny how snails are dramatic and expensive abroad (escargot) but we’ve been eating this in Nigeria for as long as we can remember. Come to Nigeria and eat peppered snails please. It’s absolutely delicious!

Who do you want to do this tag

I nominate

Deb Writes Blog 

Styled By Mckenz

Kimberly Loves

Life of Angela 

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